Goals

This week's target: 

Nourish my mind

Nourish my body 

Nourish my spirit 

Been feeling quite toxic lately. Must get back my health in all these aspects.

No bull

I may be at a point in life where I can honestly say that I would love to have a kid already.

I'm past saying the bullshit that I'm not ready because the person with me isn't. 

Now that I am my own, I can speak for myself. 

However, for now I know I need to focus on what's on my plate - work, managing my finances and building my house this year. 

Been 29 for a month now. It does feel quite different. It feels more adult. 

I need to just manage the wants vs the realities and take life as it comes. 

Learning to fall in love with my life

Been quite stressed lately about so many different things... 

In this morning's reflection, instead of focusing on the stress, I thought about all the people I should thank and express my gratitude towards. 

It was probably a shock for my parents to receive my "i love you" message this morning since I'm not quite the type who'd do that. 

Secret heart

I realized that whenever my heart cries out for God in my most desperate moments, He always send short glimmers of hope like post-it notes to remind me that he is everpresent.

He knows the desires of my heart. 

Lord, I will say it again, if it is not Your will, please give me the courage and peace to accept Your version of "no". 

Elliptical road and pot holes

Comfort zones. 

I realized something today about them.. 

As I was driving home with Celine in the passenger seat fast asleep.. I take my usual route when I'm coming from somewhere south which is go through Quezon City elliptical road and exit towards Commonwealth. 

I knew that every single time as I stick right to prepare to exit, I would always, always hit a certain deep pothole despite passing through it several times. It feels as if I never learn. 

Then it dawned on me why I always fall for the same trap every single time. Its because its my comfort zone to stick extremely right as to not miss my exit but I would always fall on the pothole. If I would only drive a bit straight and not be a segurista when it comes to exiting, my beat up car would actually be less beat up.. My tires won't be as worn, my suspension won't be too messed up. 

I guess its the same with life. When we want all the security and guarantee we tend to miss certain benefits about living a bit spontaneously. 

Lesson learned, sure is not always the best way.

After spending an afternoon with you, I find myself saying goodnight exceptionally early. 

Not because I don't want to talk to you anymore. And its not because of the excuse I gave you that I had a long day and I'm sleepy. 

It's honestly just because I need a moment to recover and catch my breath. 

You just have that effect in me. 

Love this life

I would just like to pause for a moment and just appreciate the simple joys and small bundles of happiness I experience in my rather stressful life. 

Thank you God for blessing me with people that make me realize the good in every day. 

Pre-Monday

Sometimes getting a "good morning" or a "goodnight" is all I need to face the chaos that will unravel before me once I open my eyes tomorrow morning. 

Back from my charging station - Seoul

Thoughts at 1:30am about being almost 30.

I just got back from Korea and I feel that whenever I'm there, I'm not touring, experiencing the attractions, sightseeing. I'm mainly there to regain some balance within myself by spending a good amount of time being alone and at the same time spending time with dear friends that have been a part in defining the Camille that I am today. 

Its been almost 13 years that I have known these people. This trip to Korea made me reminisce and feel sentimental about how we used to be and how we are now. 

Our spending habits are different now compared to when I first started coming to Korea some winters ago. Back then, our budget for food would only be 3000-5000won tops and that would probably consist of cheese ramyeon, ddukbokki or bibimbap. Nowadays, our priorities are different. We now think about which has the most amount of veggies, or which is the most beneficial for our health and of course since Uri is pregnant, which will best suit her taste and the baby. 

I was never the type who had goals set on what I should have accomplished when I'm 30 back when I was younger. Now I just feel.. Oh so this is how late 20s feels like. It's pretty okay. I feel okay. Life is good. 

I'm just going to try to sit back and enjoy the ride. Life and God has so much in store for me. I have learned the past few weeks as its a consistent message thats been recurring that I need not worry. I need not be anxious. To stay faithful to God's plan for my life is what I need to do. How I will achieve it is by keeping my promises to my mission in life and continuously pray to God to lead me and my actions. 

This is the end of my Easter thoughts. Now, I must rest. Tomorrow, we hustle.

Don't dwell

I think for the most part, the thing I find most difficult is having to trust people.

Yes, this has been a known fact.

A fact that is also the source of a lot of stress. 

Stress because I feel if I don't look close enough, things will fall into the cracks and will get us all in trouble. 

One thing learned though, no two people are the same. A person's attitude cannot be stereotyped in any way with another's of a same demographic.

Lesson learned. 

Accept these realities. 

On to the next wild adventure. 

Speak words of life

"Yes, and so is gossip, and slander! They’re deadly. They make people feel worthless by destroying their self–esteem and undermining them to the point where life doesn’t seem worth living. Learn to guard your tongue and speak words that bring life, not death."

This word today struck me so much. The pressures that come with work just breeds gossip and back biting. 

This should be a constant reminder to me and everyone else that when we are in difficult situations, we should try even harder not to succumb to the easiest temptation to cave into. 

Today's truth

You just don't know what they're going through. 

I refuse to succumb to my emotions. 

I will try my hardest to remain kind. 

"그렇게 너무 밝히지 좀 마요 

세상은 원래 어두우니까"

How I feel when I feel the presence of a man slowly growing on me... 

Resistance. 

Beautiful

After 28 years, I'm finally starting to come to terms to be happy with myself. 

It's been a long struggle of dieting, trying to look more like what I thought beautiful is, exercising, then getting frustrated and pigging out, bouts of laziness and all that... 

I may not think I've reached my goal or my idea of perfection, but its only now that I realize that it doesn't matter.

What I need to keep in check is if I feel beautiful within which is more often than not affirmed when I feel God work within me. 

This is a beautiful quote which is very appropriate. 

There have been times that I have frowned upon people for complimenting me about being pretty because I did not believe them or because I thought they were pulling my leg. 

I'm choosing to let go. 

I won't have a fixed convention of beauty that's measurable by weight, how clear my skin is at the moment or how perfectly I've done my makeup. 

I will try to no longer be fooled by media and advertising that tries to convince me how physically imperfect I am.

I am and will always be beautiful as long as I love, as long as I am kind to others, as long as I am giving of myself, as long as I am not judgmental. 

I'm cured!

People who are close enough to me know that I am slightly stressed about being 28 and not yet married. 

Why? 

Every single person in my family were already married by 28.  I know it's something that some would find absurd as I am living the life that I live. 

However, to me, it was really something I was genuinely worried about.   

It was only when I was talking to a random person I had a meeting with yesterday that I found the answer.  I know I should stop feeling that way, I just didn't have the actual reason to back it up.  To back up my decision to not feel stressed about not being married at 28... 

In a random conversation, she mentioned that she used to be stressed because she had her father as her benchmark and she was always comparing herself against the milestones of success her father has achieved at the age of 30 when she turned 30.  But what changed that is when she read somewhere that times have changed.... For us to compare our milestones at the same age where we are to our benchmark's achievements they had at that stage in their life would be truly invalid.  Invalid because their realities could be slightly to even extremely different to our realities right now.  

Simple. 

Thanks.  Now I'm psychologically and emotionally prepared to face my life confidently.  (LOL!)

Well, that was powerful

"I drove home pondering how He illuminates the darkest journey... how pity parties keep me from savouring life's sweetness... then asking forgiveness for my selfish attitudes. It was a powerful reminder that one day life will be complete on the sunny side of the street... in Heaven, where there's no darkness, disease or death"-Jane Johnson Struck

Not to be a Gutierrez

The struggle is real.....

Why is it easier to be critical and negative than be positive and even-tempered. 

I have a temper of a man. 

Am I really a girl? Hmmm.... 

Early morning thought

And so this morning... As I was putting makeup and fixing my hair, a thought occurred to me. 

All I need in life is a person who would acknowledge how hard my life is but at the same time would listen and give valuable advice on how I can push myself to move on and move forward.. To think smarter. 

My life does not need anyone who would just tell me to stop, drop everything and quit and think that its THAT easy. 

I pray to God for that sort of creature to drop into my life. Someone who would complement me in that way :) 

No to Holly

I have this genuine dislike for Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany's because I really don't think the image of women she portrays is right and to think a lot of women actually like this movie as well as her character. 

Despite that, I truly love this quote.

Too many road blocks and challenges nowadays and just grateful for the people that are there for me to keep me going and inspired. 

current events

I can't help but be bothered about all the news that I see on Facebook and the internet nowadays.  To be honest, it's pretty scary.

I really don't know what to make of them.  It just feels more real that the end is really nearing.

I feel a bit worried because when I become bothered about certain aspects in my life, it just disarms me from doing my tasks at hand.  However, I know I need to remain steadfast now more than ever.

Let's remain faithful about God's plans in our lives and for our world.