Hungry

I wonder how it feels like.. To be someone else's world. 

I wonder how it is like.. To love and be loved in return. 

I wonder how it would be like.. To wake up each morning and know that you are someone's reason for breathing. 

All this I can only wonder about as I don't think I've ever tasted that brand of love. 

I'm sure it will be sweet in the same way as it is bitter. Either way, I'm sure there will be a harmonious balance between the two. 

Any moment now.. I would like to be able to curate, taste and relish each morsel of it. 

Any day. Someday.

I may not be what you initially expected and that's okay. 

There are days that I am not on. I actually am not on most days and that's just how it is. 

I may seem like a different person in different situations. That is because I struggle everyday to find myself and be my best even just for that day. 

I don't have my life planned out. I can only think of schedules up to two months ahead. 

I am not ambitious. I take life as it is. It may be the opposite of what people initially expect of me. I just aspire a normal, harmonious life. 

I do not have a cunning personality or a knack for business. I am not typically the most decisive person especially because I empathize with people too much not to be swayed by their situations. 

I am not a lot of things that you may expect of me. However, to those who know me and have accepted that, they see glimmers of brightness some way or another. 

I have passions. I have a deep desire to make people happy. I am multi-faceted. I could have bouts of random genius. 

It will take time for you to discover that. Once you've cancelled all the initial expectations you have of me, then you will see. 

This... 

With the flowers and all... 

No bull

I may be at a point in life where I can honestly say that I would love to have a kid already.

I'm past saying the bullshit that I'm not ready because the person with me isn't. 

Now that I am my own, I can speak for myself. 

However, for now I know I need to focus on what's on my plate - work, managing my finances and building my house this year. 

Been 29 for a month now. It does feel quite different. It feels more adult. 

I need to just manage the wants vs the realities and take life as it comes. 

Learning to fall in love with my life

Been quite stressed lately about so many different things... 

In this morning's reflection, instead of focusing on the stress, I thought about all the people I should thank and express my gratitude towards. 

It was probably a shock for my parents to receive my "i love you" message this morning since I'm not quite the type who'd do that. 

Secret heart

I realized that whenever my heart cries out for God in my most desperate moments, He always send short glimmers of hope like post-it notes to remind me that he is everpresent.

He knows the desires of my heart. 

Lord, I will say it again, if it is not Your will, please give me the courage and peace to accept Your version of "no". 

Elliptical road and pot holes

Comfort zones. 

I realized something today about them.. 

As I was driving home with Celine in the passenger seat fast asleep.. I take my usual route when I'm coming from somewhere south which is go through Quezon City elliptical road and exit towards Commonwealth. 

I knew that every single time as I stick right to prepare to exit, I would always, always hit a certain deep pothole despite passing through it several times. It feels as if I never learn. 

Then it dawned on me why I always fall for the same trap every single time. Its because its my comfort zone to stick extremely right as to not miss my exit but I would always fall on the pothole. If I would only drive a bit straight and not be a segurista when it comes to exiting, my beat up car would actually be less beat up.. My tires won't be as worn, my suspension won't be too messed up. 

I guess its the same with life. When we want all the security and guarantee we tend to miss certain benefits about living a bit spontaneously. 

Lesson learned, sure is not always the best way.

I trust..

Okay.

I will.

After spending an afternoon with you, I find myself saying goodnight exceptionally early. 

Not because I don't want to talk to you anymore. And its not because of the excuse I gave you that I had a long day and I'm sleepy. 

It's honestly just because I need a moment to recover and catch my breath. 

You just have that effect in me. 

Weekend round up

Crazy end of the week! I don't know how many curve balls were thrown my way. 

Life is not easy.

However, life becomes bearable when you have a great support system that you can always run to when you're feeling lost.

God has blessed me to belong to a good family where lines of communication are always open and good friends, soulmates to bounce off the bad stuff and always discuss the good in every situation.

Friday night cocktails and coffee 

Saturday hongkong food trip

Sunday afternoon silliness 

I will always and forever be thankful to God for blessing me with the necessary tools for me to survive.