there seems to be a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.

it's very difficult to see right now.. but there's a spark of hope..

Escapism

Pattern of my life seems to be like this... 

Difficulty thats super heavy and overbearing which is my reality... Then go on a trip somewhere be so happy that for a few moments i dont think about the whole reality thing... Get back on the plane and face reality in a major way... And then repeat.

Sometimes when the reality isnt as heavy I would just escape into my world of online novels, books or fangirl-ism. 

Hmmm... 

Creature of habit. 

Life....

a little bit overwhelmed with the new developments in my life.

as for now... all i can do is hope, try my best and work my hardest.

i will just be looking forward to going to japan in a couple of weeks also. it's truly one of those things that just popped out of nowhere that i consider a blessing.

thank God for giving me random opportunities on a regular basis for me to develop into a more learned, well-rounded person.

these things would not have been possible if i were just to be doing mediocre things.

all the stress and hardship of doing something to serve others has its benefits.

i'm truly blessed.

I am very particular about the places I go to because somehow I bookmark them in my head as a happy place for when I need to make myself feel better. 

Whenever I go to such happy places its like I step into a movie set with a happy ambience I created myself. 

I really enjoy my moments alone. 

Broken not destroyed

How appropriate is this quote? 

I've been having realizations on how broken I am... Broken but not destroyed. 

Thank God for these words... 

Hopeful for my restoration. 

It's one of those days…

current wallpaper

As an introvert...

Cuddle with my cats... 

Taking life as it is right now..

Not what it could be or how it should be.

Maybe even just for til the end of this year. I'm just trying to keep myself sane.

life pegging

This is the image that would probably embody my life peg at the moment.  

(Thank you CanCam for this image)

Effortless. 

Beautiful. 

Natural. 

Not contrived. 

Simple. 

"Darling, you don't deserve me... you don't deserve my love.
I had plenty to give but you shoved it off."

- Zee Avi, Darlin' It Ain't Easy

Sigh

Note to self:

Don't always believe what you think. Sometimes our minds can be so screwed up due to so many varying reasons.

Only be so convicted to something you're sure about to prevent embarrassment... or... resentment.

Boys make passes at girls in glasses

“i want a girl who reads
who feeds her addiction for fiction
with unusual poems and plays
that she hunts out in crooked bookshops for days and days and days
she’ll sit addicted at breakfast, soaking up the back of the cornflakes box
and the information she gets from what she reads makes her a total fox
'cos she’s interesting & unique
& her theories make me go weak at the knees”

- mark gist 

So, ask yourself: When others get past the packaging of my life, do they experience a heart full of healthy, Christ-honoring ingredients? By putting in grace, kindness, patience, and compassion, we’ll reflect the wonderful nature of Christ. —Joe Stowell

When we become frustrated with God’s apparent delay in answering our prayer, it is good to remember that He is interested in developing faith and perseverance in our character (James 1:2-4). Wait on the Lord! —Dennis Fisher

I didn't leave.

I just want you to find out what you want in life without having to factor my opinion in.

I told you before, I won't give up so easily. I haven't given up.

I just want you to be happy.

Mood is crazy...

PMS?

Oh gosh... Sorry to all the people surrounding me. I seem to be a shrew nowadays.

Dynamite

Somebody else is speaking for me 

Thanks for perfectly describing my penguin-ness! 

:(

Yes yes

So so so true... 

We can only be grateful of our trials... 

Easier said than done, but should be accepted. 

Surprises

I love it when God speaks to me through the most unlikely people in the most unexpected circumstances. 

Sometimes these real life moments resonate more than actual sermons at Church. 

God is truly everywhere. 

Don't wanna die

I just tried doing the Fit Test of Insanity...

And...

Ummm...

What the heck was that?! Seriously?

Are you like seriously planning to kill me?!


I die.

Mantra!

I had a dream last night. 

It seem to have explained all the things I wish I knew about that other person's feelings.  

It was so clear to me in the dream.  However, when I woke up... I could barely remember anything.  

I just had a better sense of peace in my heart. 

I don't know if it's my id talking or God talking... 

I've started Phase 2 of South Beach and I decided to cook my meals myself.. This morning I had a piece of aloo gobi paratha... I just got it from the supermarket and it's made with cauliflower, potato and durum wheat.

For lunch I made a cauliflower mash, with some home made turkey patties that I topped with some home made marinara-like sauce.

Lady, our newest formulator has worked with a lot of skin clinics before and we started talking about non-invasive procedures for slimming down.  She shared her experiences of all the procedures she has gone through.  Now, I'm seriously considering getting RF and cavitation procedures.

We'll see.. I'd really like to see myself thin at some point in my life because I've never been thin, ever.

It's the end of Phase 1...10.2 lbs lighter.

And so, I'm reading this book called The World is Fat.  It discusses all the trends and the historical reasons why the world is becoming more and more unhealthy.  

It really is a very insightful, it says there that as technology progresses, the health of the people also decrease because of the increased conveniences in food preparation, traveling, errands, etc.  We also become more lazy because the things we do day to day require less work.  

I have lost 10.2 lbs in 13 days.  That's with very minimal exercise but I try to do a lot of walking and home chores.  

I don't know how I'll be able to face my meal planning for Phase 2 of South Beach because I've decided not to order my food for Phase 2 and instead just cook it myself.  

I really hope this increased awareness and interest in being more healthful would be sustainable.  Knowing me, I have my phases in life.  I'd be so obsessive for a certain time but then move on to the next more interesting thing.  

I really hope I'll be able to take up on this lifestyle.  

Low carb... Lean meat... Loads of veggies... Portioning. 

Blablablabla. 

When you’re feeling invisible or disregarded, remember that God does see you and He cares. Wait on Him, and He’ll give you renewed strength. —Anne Cetas

I shall not worry coz God is taking care of me. I shall not complain because God is always blessing me. I shall not fear because God is always with me. 

so charming

Please give me a man who will feel this way towards me.... :)

8.5 lbs in 9 days

I've lost 8.5 lbs so far...

The olive pants I've just recently purchased in Bangkok last July are now hanging a bit loose compared to when I first got them... They were skinny jeans too.

I'm grateful that most of my clothes are mostly dresses coz if they were mostly pants, I'd have to purchase a lot of new things.

Celebrating the loss of the weight (as heavy as a healthy new born) from my body with an iced cappuccino.

How will I be able to continue my Phase 2 in Bangkok? I'm worried. The home of all things salty and starchy... Extra challenge up ahead in 2 weeks...

What should I do?

I've been wanting to have coffee since I woke up. 

However, I go all agitated and hyper whenever I have it. 

Coffee is such a drug. And now I feel like a patient on rehab because I can't not think about getting some. 

What the.... 

Do not forget

Just in case I go through some tough times, I'll post this so I don't forget :) 

I've lost 7.5 lbs so far..

I realized, a lot of things in life are just about mind control.  This diet is working because I paid an exorbitant amount of money for it and I would just feel really bad if I didn't lose as much by cheating on my diet and it would just feel like I burned all that money for nothing.

First week down, 2nd week of this Phase 1 starts today. I'm feeling pretty okay.

Whenever I see Burger King or some other appetizing food, I still have a pained look on my face.

Well, I'm still human after all.

I guess?

Love

Not until he sees the real me.. The me that I am when im with you... And until I stop trying to be the person he wants me to be even if he doesnt.. We will never be.

Hate

If we think we get so affected by hateful people... Think about what they are actually going through to make them feel and act that way. It must feel like a bottomless pit of dark loneliness... 

prayer

Dear Lord, help me to remember that You are
with me, even when I’m unsure of my own
abilities. Give me the faith to believe that You
can help me to do anything You ask me to do.

(from Our Daily Bread)

prayer

Loving Father, forgive me for the seemingly
limitless capacity I have to be foolish. Teach me
in Your wisdom, so that my life might be pleasing
to You and a blessing to others around me.

(from Our Daily Bread) 

Prayer

Lord, help us to surrender our desire for influence
and success to You. May our heart’s desire ever be to be
used by You to further Your kingdom.
Make our lives a living testimony of You.

(taken from Our Daily Bread)

my heart goes out to all you kuyas that i validate with during production...

Sometimes it makes me think if the consumers who buy our products actually appreciate the effort that was put just so they have bar soap to use or shampoo to clean their hair with...

In the Philippines, cosmetic production isn't as a high tech as people may think it would be.  There's a lot of human  contact.  Whether it be in the dumping the raw materials into the bulk water, transferring or filling the bulk into the packaging materials... There's a lot of human handling, sweat, muscle energy that is consumed. And that's just the actual production... Not even the product development and prototyping....!

I've been validating so much these past months which leads me to feel this emotional about this.

The effort that's put in the product versus how the consumer actually values it... and sometimes, more often than not, complains about it.

From the moment I met you, i knew....

High

I felt so high last night... Had an Asian Dolce Latte that had a free upgrade around 2pm and I was friggin awake til 3am.

slave to foreign brands

I'm upset realising how much of a slave I am to international brands when it comes to clothing.

I've pretty much succumbed to the superficial comfort that retail therapy brings. It feels so wrong for me to say this but what the heck... it's a real emotion that bothers me.

All the stress I feel from the sources of stress in my life feels like I have a justified reason to find solace for a few minutes in the embrace of beautiful superficial things.

It's wrong. Must substitute it with something more meaningful and has better value.

I am happiest when...

I have been having my ups and downs... We all go through this.  And somehow... Today was pretty clear to me.

I was at mass and it was a pretty good one. Nothing out of the ordinary.. I went to mass with Celine.  After the mass, I asked her, "Celine, what did you learn in church today?"

Her answer was simple: "I learned that life is how you see it".

The Gospel today was about that woman who was accused of adultery and Jesus said something like, whoever has not sinned may cast the first stone...

That short conversation with Celine, with my own intention of instilling Christianity into my 9 year old sister - may have affected me more than it affected her.

Spending the first activity of the day with my sister and God set the tone for the rest of the day and I think today was a great day.

And so... It made me reflect on the things that make me happy.

So I'll start my list...

I'm happiest when...
(in no particular order)

• I'm with my family and just being a normal family... laughing, teasing each other, eating. 
• I'm with Chad 
• I'm cooking or baking 
• I'm putting makeup on other people and I could see the happiness in their eyes on how I enhanced their natural beauty 
• I'm with R&D and they're laughing and having a good time 
• I'm with my small group of close friends talking about anything and everything 
• I'm travelling - seeing a different culture similar yet different from what I'm used to and getting inspired by the differences and amazed by the similarities 
• I'm eating refreshing food and it revives my soul 
• I'm able to walk and able to take in all the sights, sounds, smells of the streets 
• I'm learning something new 
• I'm researching and there's a Eureka moment or a surge of new information sort of downloading inside my brain 
• I'm affirmed by God's words that He is real and He loves me 
• I'm shopping and find a great bargain
• I'm reading an interesting book and get so absorbed in the plot 
• I'm watching CSI 
• I'm watching Crime Investigation Channel or Law & Order with Chad 
• I'm able to meet acquaintances that turn into instant friends 
• I'm in Korea and someone talks to me in Korean and I can totally have a conversation at that given time 

I guess this list goes on and on... 

I'll just have to remind myself about all the things that make me happy whenever I'm down.  

save me

somebody.. please save me...

please teach me how to dream again.

it's not only the poor that needs to be taught to aspire and to dream...


also the poor in spirit.