Uuuuuugggggghhhhhhhhh……


Stop over thinking, Camille.


Didn't you already pray about it today?



Just listen to what He said!!!!

How appropriate for today.

It's extremely frustrating when people just  criticize and complain without getting the real picture of things. 

Sigh. Emotional. 

Let it go. 

I am happiest when....

I am in love with the feeling when I put makeup on women... 

There is something about the suspense of how it will turn out that gives me a high. To be honest, when I put makeup on people, I don't exactly have a vision of how they will eventually look like. I just have an idea on the products and shades I should put on them. 

We had another photoshoot last week and had the opportunity to put makeup on these beautiful faces.. I was astounded how it eventually turned out. 

The process of putting on the makeup is equally enjoyable or should I say a pleasurable and gratifying experience for me... Enhancing the already beautiful features on the women I work with and playing with the unique highlights, contours and shadows of each face.. Its like unfolding a beautiful mystery. 

Doing makeup for friends for me, is both honing my skills and an expression of my love. I will not say no to a friend who would ask me to do their makeup. Its something I love to do and means even more when I do it for the people I love. 

Obviously I am addicted to anything cosmetic related... I just feel grateful I am able to do something I love doing on a regular basis and is an integral part of my actual work as well. 

Don't dwell

I think for the most part, the thing I find most difficult is having to trust people.

Yes, this has been a known fact.

A fact that is also the source of a lot of stress. 

Stress because I feel if I don't look close enough, things will fall into the cracks and will get us all in trouble. 

One thing learned though, no two people are the same. A person's attitude cannot be stereotyped in any way with another's of a same demographic.

Lesson learned. 

Accept these realities. 

On to the next wild adventure. 

Bucket list?

Anxious and excited about giving my first international talk in Seoul this November.

Trying to make sense out of all the things I want to say.... 

Speak words of life

"Yes, and so is gossip, and slander! They’re deadly. They make people feel worthless by destroying their self–esteem and undermining them to the point where life doesn’t seem worth living. Learn to guard your tongue and speak words that bring life, not death."

This word today struck me so much. The pressures that come with work just breeds gossip and back biting. 

This should be a constant reminder to me and everyone else that when we are in difficult situations, we should try even harder not to succumb to the easiest temptation to cave into. 

Today's truth

You just don't know what they're going through. 

I refuse to succumb to my emotions. 

I will try my hardest to remain kind. 

Saviour, please

Times are tough nowadays... 

This song makes me cry but comforts me at the same time. Another one ny Josh Wilson..

Savior, please take my hand

I work so hard, I live so fast

This life begins, and then it ends

And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last

I try to be so tough

But I'm just not strong enough

I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me

I try to be good enough

But I'm nothing without Your love

Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand

I fall so hard, I fade so fast

Will You begin right where I end

And be the God of all I am because You're all I have

Hallelujah

Everything You are to me

Is everything I'll ever need

And I am learning to believe

That I don't have to prove a thing

'Cause You're the one who's saving me

Gotta love Josh Wilson

I've been so addicted to listening to Josh Wilson's songs lately.

I would listen to his playlist on Spotify every morning as I get ready to go to work...

His playlist is full of relatable Christian songs and they are absolutely beautiful...



Last weekend was when I discovered this gem of a playlist and found myself crying as I was driving home. His songs are just so on-point... It's either that or... I'm just extremely PMS-ing.

"그렇게 너무 밝히지 좀 마요 

세상은 원래 어두우니까"

How I feel when I feel the presence of a man slowly growing on me... 

Resistance. 

Beautiful

After 28 years, I'm finally starting to come to terms to be happy with myself. 

It's been a long struggle of dieting, trying to look more like what I thought beautiful is, exercising, then getting frustrated and pigging out, bouts of laziness and all that... 

I may not think I've reached my goal or my idea of perfection, but its only now that I realize that it doesn't matter.

What I need to keep in check is if I feel beautiful within which is more often than not affirmed when I feel God work within me. 

This is a beautiful quote which is very appropriate. 

There have been times that I have frowned upon people for complimenting me about being pretty because I did not believe them or because I thought they were pulling my leg. 

I'm choosing to let go. 

I won't have a fixed convention of beauty that's measurable by weight, how clear my skin is at the moment or how perfectly I've done my makeup. 

I will try to no longer be fooled by media and advertising that tries to convince me how physically imperfect I am.

I am and will always be beautiful as long as I love, as long as I am kind to others, as long as I am giving of myself, as long as I am not judgmental. 

Vegenaise

So yesterday, I was vegan condiment shopping which led me to Healthy Options. There... I saw this...

I've seen a lot of vegans online putting this in their food. At first, I wasn't excited coz I am not that much of a fan of mayonnaise. However, I saw this pesto variant and I succumbed.. 

I made breakfast moments ago and added it... 

I made some sort of breakfast wrap with veggies, boca vegan burger seasoned with liquid aminos and a sprinkle of nutritional yeast. 

This pesto vegenaise is sorcery. I kid you not. I want to eat it with everything now. Its so good that I wanna make a cold pasta salad with it next... It would probably taste amazing with some black olives and loads of garlic... Hmmmm. Salivating just thinking about it. Haha

Love this new discovery!

Vegan life made easy :)

Grateful day 2

Today I am grateful for...

1. The gift of life that Chloe is to me and to the rest of the family. She has grown so much in the past 7 years and I really believe that Chloe is bound for greatness. 

2. Today's message on motivation. I'm grateful that I read that today because it will guide me on how to handle people with love and with genuine care. 

3. I am happy that there are a lot of food options available for vegetarians ans vegans like me nowadays. I certainly see the progress despite what other people say. More and more people are health and wellbeing conscious which makes it so much easier for me to stick to my diet.  

4. I am grateful to God that He has blessed me with physical strength and endurance to last through 3 straight weeks of overtime and still being able to have regular cardio mornings. Being able to still think critically and creatively despite the lack of sleep and exhaustion is a miracle all in itself. 

Thank You! 

Redefined

Oh my... This is so true.  

Never realized it until now.  

It really does take courage to not dwell in having pity parties and realize that there's a beautiful world beyond our own selfish emotions. 

To be set free that the world does not revolve around us and realizing how blessed we are.... It really is a gift. 

Counting...

Reasons to be thankful today: 

1. Having a team of good hearted people that have the capacity to laugh despite the exhaustion. 

2. Being able to upload the final artwork for first proofing tomorrow and us, being seemingly on track. 

3. Having a pocket of time to spend with family just to catch up and have light conversation. 

4. Free coffee! I was able to claim my free beverage today. Yay to 2 add-ons! 

5. Smile! It's Chloe's 7th birthday today! 

I'm cured!

People who are close enough to me know that I am slightly stressed about being 28 and not yet married. 

Why? 

Every single person in my family were already married by 28.  I know it's something that some would find absurd as I am living the life that I live. 

However, to me, it was really something I was genuinely worried about.   

It was only when I was talking to a random person I had a meeting with yesterday that I found the answer.  I know I should stop feeling that way, I just didn't have the actual reason to back it up.  To back up my decision to not feel stressed about not being married at 28... 

In a random conversation, she mentioned that she used to be stressed because she had her father as her benchmark and she was always comparing herself against the milestones of success her father has achieved at the age of 30 when she turned 30.  But what changed that is when she read somewhere that times have changed.... For us to compare our milestones at the same age where we are to our benchmark's achievements they had at that stage in their life would be truly invalid.  Invalid because their realities could be slightly to even extremely different to our realities right now.  

Simple. 

Thanks.  Now I'm psychologically and emotionally prepared to face my life confidently.  (LOL!)

I am grateful that God made me in a way that I recover and regenerate from being emotiononally and psychologically wounded fast. 

Yesterday was my 2nd consecutive Sunday attending Church at the 11am am Chinese mass at Megamall. I find that its such a treasure finding a mass so solemn I was compelled to take notes because of all the messages God was telling me. 

Being emotionally, physically and psychologically tired the past weeks, this one hour prayer and time with God fully regenerated me and I find myself stronger and inspired.

I know that I don't believe in finding external motivation because I know it all has to come from our willpower to be better and God is the only source of that for me. He delivers messages to me in the most unexpected places and situations. 

I thank God that I am able to find inspiration in the simplest places. 

Well, that was powerful

"I drove home pondering how He illuminates the darkest journey... how pity parties keep me from savouring life's sweetness... then asking forgiveness for my selfish attitudes. It was a powerful reminder that one day life will be complete on the sunny side of the street... in Heaven, where there's no darkness, disease or death"-Jane Johnson Struck

Not to be a Gutierrez

The struggle is real.....

Why is it easier to be critical and negative than be positive and even-tempered. 

I have a temper of a man. 

Am I really a girl? Hmmm.... 

There are days when you feel as if just by waking up and continue on living, it's already the bravest thing to do.

There are big struggles, however, it's the small day to day decisions to live that is the most meaningful to overcome.

These kinds of feelings just remind me to refocus and to put my heart on the strength that is blessed upon me by a Being much higher than I.

Vegan day 67

Today is vegan day 67!

Thank you 416vegan on Instagram for making me laugh so hard at 12mn...

Way too funny. Yep... I feel like when I talk about being vegan, nobody cares haha 

Anyway... I always try to get more fermented food in my system, so for lunch I had red rice, 2 kinds of kimchi-cabbage and perilla leaf, and a boca vegan burger. I didn't get to take a photo of it... 

The fermented food does not end there.. I decided to transform my nearly sour kimchi into kimchi stew to salvage it. 

Turned out quite good... I also added flavor with miso paste. 

Fermentation overload! 

Keep in mind

When pride comes, then comes shame. But with the lowly comes freedom.
Proverbs 11:2

snippet of today

Words to live by according to Shakespeare… 

Have more than thou showest, speak less than thou knowest. 

This hit home to me big time and is something that I've been trying to practice for a long time. Seeing this in Hwangssabu's quotes for today was an affirmation of the feelings I've been feeling but could not verbalise. 

Thank you, William. 

Today was a Monday. 

Any other dreadful work day. 

But today, I got the chance to meet someone exceptional. 

I met Isay Alvarez-Seña and she is one amazing woman.  A woman with a cause just exudes something so beautiful that goes way over and beyond what the eye can see.  She is a person dealing with leukaemia and no, it does not show on her, physically, mentally, emotionally.  She handles herself with such grace and regality, you would not suspect that she's going through that. 

She is an advocate of promoting Philippine theatre.  Being a seasoned theatre actress herself who's starred numerous plays here and even playing in Miss Saigon… You could say she's got loads under her belt.  She says if only Filipinos would just balance their interest between local productions and foreign ones… She isn't even all purist about it because she says she also enjoys going to Broadway herself… 

It's truly inspiring meeting people that inspire, spark a glimmer of fire in me. 

Dressing up

I never thought I'd be able to wear anything aside from A-line...

Celebrating with a selfie of a little black dress bargain I found last night. It's the opposite of my usual clothes which is usually business in front and party at the back... This one is party in front and business at the back. 

Got this at Forever21 at 40% off so I just paid 870 and it's buy one take one... I just picked a random shirt which I'll probably give away for Christmas. 

I can't even buy anything that's not on sale anymore. I guess it's a sign of getting old. 

Also got this sweet letter this weekend...

I love Tita Tess... I miss her and I miss California. Including this in the post because she also got me a dress from our favorite $16 dress store at Manhattan Beach. I am not posting a photo of the dress because I haven't figured out how to wear it yet. 

Coming soon. 

Currently...

Closely monitoring my blessings nowadays because life isn't easy...

Today I was able to do my usual cardio routine + squats that I put off doing yesterday. 

Having a hard time getting up nowadays.

Yesterday, I was able to spontaneously whip up this meal over lunch of miso soup with lots of seaweed (always saying yes to fermented food!), bokchoy and tofu cooked in vegetarian chinese stir fry sauce and brown rice.  

Work is tough... Robin Williams just died... Its magalogue season... And its almost a year since... 

I'm back to my early morning coffee dates with myself to reflect on life and pray before I face the daily storms.... 

Vegan day 51

It's been awhile since I last posted about my vegan food journey so I shall update today with my green and filling lunch break with Angie at Pipino.

Angie got fried brown rice loaded with so much broccoli and taro chips which she really, really enjoyed. It was super affordable too at P155.  

What I got was adobong kangkong with grilled eggplant and mango. It was a super big and filling serving at P165. 

Super happy tummies! 

We just had to have dessert because its THAT kind of day... I got a vanilla cinnamon cupcake and Angie got an oatmeal and chocolate chip cookie. 

This diet is already so well integrated in my life. I am still not closing my doors to going back to meat, but seeing all the positive result being vegan does to my health and well-being, I can't give up on it just yet. 

Hard times nowadays. 

It's a hard knock life for us - Jay-Z 

Hard times nowadays. 

It's a hard knock life for us - Jay-Z 

Such a girl!

Yesterday's success of finding "the dress" for Uri led me to take this photo with the 오빠들... I can't believe I've known these people for such a long time already and its 혁이오빠's first time in the Philippines!

Being with 오빠들 never fails to make me feel like such a girl.. I love them! 

Happiness all around! ^^ I love you my people!

Cheers to the freakin weekend!

I spent the whole of Saturday with Uri and Ate Jin. We went through rows and rows of wedding dress stalls in 168 Mall searching for the perfect dress for Uri's wedding. 

I'm so happy that she's back in Manila even just for a short time. Uri is the kind of friend that can bring me back to the old days... We would reminisce the kind of things we liked back then and the boyfriends she had back then. We also hungout around DLSU area which added to the effect of going down memory lane. 

Uri is one of the most special people in my life. She is a friend, she is family, she is love. Up to this day, I still can't believe that I met someone who is an exact match to my personality, temperament, beliefs, etc. She makes me so happy :) 

The whole Sunday was spent at Santa Elena with the riot of a family I have, Reby, Ruben and Alex. 

It was drizzling but didn't stop us from swimming nonetheless. 

Swimming with Lily and Mikel because their parents didn't want to swim.. We were pool babysitters. 

Had a great time talking to Ruben and Alex as well. A lot of intellectual conversation but at the same time a lot of dumb jokes which was just great. 

I never knew I could talk to Ph.D folks and actually understand what they are saying because I didn't think I'd be able to grasp their trains of thought but I did. Which is a feat in itself... We also read similar scientific journals... They are not as far mentally as I am, I guess. Haha

There were a lot of talks about how we should never stop learning and just be a sponge when exposed to situations which is one of my philosophies in life. Alex mentioned that he came here not expecting anything but being exposed to the GK way and the Enchanted Farm as well as Human Nature. He said he was so impressed in seeing something so tangible that he has never seen before despite spending time with so many other social enterprises and community development programs. They study positive psychology and its really something thats very interesting to me. He is in awe and I am in awe because I never realize the kind of effect what we are doing has on people.

It was a good day. Exceptionally good day for the totality of my being - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

I need more weekends like this :)

Early morning thought

And so this morning... As I was putting makeup and fixing my hair, a thought occurred to me. 

All I need in life is a person who would acknowledge how hard my life is but at the same time would listen and give valuable advice on how I can push myself to move on and move forward.. To think smarter. 

My life does not need anyone who would just tell me to stop, drop everything and quit and think that its THAT easy. 

I pray to God for that sort of creature to drop into my life. Someone who would complement me in that way :) 

No to Holly

I have this genuine dislike for Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany's because I really don't think the image of women she portrays is right and to think a lot of women actually like this movie as well as her character. 

Despite that, I truly love this quote.

Too many road blocks and challenges nowadays and just grateful for the people that are there for me to keep me going and inspired. 

I am not exactly sure what's going on but I feel like I've been going through something lately. Something that I can't exactly explain what it is.  However, it feels that there's a certain coming of age that is happening.

I feel like I'm maturing, having more security in my abilities as a person. I am not saying that everything's in order right now.  I see all the areas of my life that I need to work on, but then again… There are things that are making sense.

Freedom.

People talk about freedom as if it's a destination… Something you'll gain when you achieve a certain level or leave a certain job or do some sort of great feat… But today I realised that freedom to me is just being able to appreciate what you have and making the most out of your situation.

Acceptance.

I am not someone who can just get up and go and leave the things that I do on a daily basis. Embracing the facts of my life - all the leaps and bounds, the standards and all it's limitations gives me a certain freedom.  Being happy with it and recognising the fact that I am living a good life full of rich experiences that slowly mold me and make me the person that I should be.

Decisions.

I make everyday decisions.  Decisions to not be side-tracked by certain things.  Today I made a decision not to get too affected and eaten up by a situation because as I analysed it in my head as well as felt what my heart is saying about it, they both told me it's nothing to worry about.  I am an overanalyzer but knowing how to curb my analyses gives me a certain freedom.

It feels strange. The feeling of God gluing me back together to become  a whole person.  It's strange, after being so broken for such a long time.

Gratitude. Honor. Love. All these for You, the One who made me.

current events

I can't help but be bothered about all the news that I see on Facebook and the internet nowadays.  To be honest, it's pretty scary.

I really don't know what to make of them.  It just feels more real that the end is really nearing.

I feel a bit worried because when I become bothered about certain aspects in my life, it just disarms me from doing my tasks at hand.  However, I know I need to remain steadfast now more than ever.

Let's remain faithful about God's plans in our lives and for our world.

Begin Again

I watched Begin Again last Thursday and up to now I still get a little emotional when I listen to the soundtrack.

I liked the movie so much that it made me get the full album OST on iTunes which has never happened before! 

I kept on crying while watching the movie even if it wasn't necessarily a sad movie. The whole Keira-Adam dynamic just made me remember how it was back when I was in love with someone for how many years and how you feel like you know the person so well, his ins and outs... But at the end of it all, you're just two strangers, with a past... Nothing connects anymore. 

I am over all that, it just pains my heart being reminded of it in the movie. Pain in my heart is not necessarily a bad thing. It's a reminder that I did share my heart with someone once upon a time. 

Sharing a verse from the song "Lost Stars"...

"Who are we? Just a speck of dust within the galaxy.
'Woe is me' if we're not careful turns into reality.
Don't you dare let all these memories bring you sorrow.
Yesterday I saw a lion kiss a deer.
Turn the page; maybe we'll find a brand new ending.
Where we're dancing in our tears...."

Vegan day 28!

Yay!!! I lasted! Well, I honestly think I can continue beyond 28 days on this plant-based diet :) 

Celebrated by having vegan Pinoy bistek at Pipino :D 

Vegan day 23

Dairy-free, meat-free and egg-free for the past 23 days. 

I'm able to go home and cook lunch again after a long time! 

I made a tofu stir fry which I seasoned with aminos, sesame oil and coconut nectar which pretty much tastes like teriyaki.

Super quick, easy and delicious. 

I wasn't the only one who thought it was good. Angie and Ate Wow even almost licked the serving platter clean. 

Success. 

21 days after

I haven't posted in a while... Its been such a busy season.

Just wanted to celebrate my 21st day today. 

One of the main reasons why I decided to go on this diet is to make my skin better and below is a photo of my skin after 21 days of eatinv plant-based food. 

It has improved a lot and all I've been putting on my face lately is our Balancing Toner and Overnight Elixir.  

I feel like I need to put less makeup nowadays and I'm happy about that. 

Sitting here sipping this americano... Relishing the precious minutes I have to myself before the storm comes... 

Solitude. Even just for a moment... 

Bitter americano, hot oatmeal and Beatles... 

Psyching myself up for the day ahead. 

There is something profound and complex in the taste of an americano. It has depth... 

And as I sip this cup, I can't help but associate it with life. 

Dose of good thoughts

Today's thoughts...

This I must constantly remind myself....

Vegan day 8

I forgot to post this... I made some really good kimchi fried rice this morning. 

Instead of using the sticky dark purple rice I usually use, I used light red rice. 

It tasted really good especially because I topped it with seasoned seaweed. 

Seaweed just makes everything better.  It's pretty amazing. 

I've been salivating over my favorite blog nowadays which is vegan8korean. Just really amazing vegan korean recipes. 

Anyway... I'm so agit nowadays. 

ㅠㅠ 

This... For inspiration. 

Getaway

Thinking of going somewhere for a bit.... To re-energize... Get my inspiration back...

Even just for a weekend. 

지겹다 지겨워

지겹다 나... 

모두 다...

힘들다. 

Vegan week day 7

Conclusions?

I think I just want to really cut out dairy but would like to have some egg on occasion. 

Since I'm doing this to feel better and lose weight, I think that change would be pretty much okay. 

I did have some Pipino yesterday again. 

Its really good... I die. I had eggplant and tofu miso rice. 

It was so creamy and rich it was amazing!

Ice cream! I had dessert! Vanilla graham vegan ice cream. It had weird texture. It was alright. I won't order it again. Haha

My skin has improved a lot! Yay!!! 

Vegan week day 5

Posting my past 2 meals today... 

I didn't intend to... I accidentally made sisig for breakfast. 

This is made with vegan Boca burger, bell peppers, onions, garlic, cooked in sunflower butter, black pepper and liquid aminos.

 

I had it with a piece of pita bread and some cranberry-pomegranate juice. :) 

For lunch, I asked my mom to deliver a packed lunch of the curry and some fruits and veggies to me as I was busy getting a hair cut. 

Its my veggie curry, with mixed veg and some papaya.

Oh my goodness... Total negative vibes at the Bench Fix Salon at UP technohub. Rudest, rudest stylist I've ever experienced in my life. Oh my... Never going back there again!!!!!