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I think if its’s a question of does the Catholic church still nourish and inspire me...

Yes.. I can honestly answer it still does.

Happy birthday to the love of my life

People may not understand but I threw Josh a bachelor's birthday party since it's going to be his last birthday as a single guy. 

I just felt like celebrating the life of the great guy that he is who committed to marry me and make me a very happy woman as much as he possibly can.  He deserved to feel special on this momentous time of his life. His last year as a bachelor. 

I did not ever imagine I'd be living my life in 2018 planning a wedding and 2019 actually walking down the aisle. I honestly believed that I'd live my life alone with 10 cats. 

Somehow this weekend made me look back to the 2 surreal years of being with him.  Being loved by him.

32. 

We'll be marrying at 32. 

We were 30 when we met.  Not expecting much from our first encounter. Who would have thought less than 2 years into the relationship we'd find each other engaged. 

Choice. 

I made a choice to love him.  He was not void of the warning signs I'd usually get from guys who could potentially break my heart. However, one fateful afternoon, I decided I would give him a chance.  

He had a good relationship with his family which I felt was representative that he was a decent person.  He talked about his work a lot, not negatively.  Which made me feel he was an honest, hardworking person. He was a geek, asking if I'd be interested in attending a Yule Ball that coming Christmas season in 2016.  I found him interesting.  Every time I went out with him, he made me feel like all his attention was on me. 

I am just grateful and thankful. I never expected to be loved in the way he loves me.  Before him, I've gotten used to the feeling of never getting a 2nd date... or mixed, jammed signals from guys I've dated.  Always feeling inadequate as to why it never worked out. 

Now I know why. I had to trust the heartbreak, I had to trust the wait. 

I was getting myself ready for the ultimate romance of my life. Not like the ones that I imagined and read off from the romance novels I loved to indulge in. It was the type that just crept in... It was not fireworks and huge gestures. It was mundane, real life stuff which is why I think it's special. 

He makes me feel life by how much support he gives me. He never gets tired of attending my speaking engagements even when I feel like he's already memorizing my talking points. He always makes time when I tell him we need to spend time with my family.  He goes overtime during moments I have no choice but to have a late night in the office.  He plays with my nephews and nieces and is always an awesome entertainer and uncle to them. He reaches out to my brother and sisters whenever he can to make me feel like he's making an effort to be close to them.

I'm looking forward to a life with him. 

I threw him a party because he makes me a very grateful, blessed woman every waking day of my life. 

I'm a simple girl with only two dreams in life - the dream of being loved and the dream of making my own family. 

I love you. You are the ultimate love of my life. Thank you for being you. 

Resuscitate creative Camille

After a long, hard, stressful work day I ended up asking Josh to meet me since he's the ultimate security blanket I have. 

Hannah did not get to ride the shuttle due to the extra long discussion so she ended up joining us. 

It was all pretty mundane during dinner. 

Conversations shared were about wedding preps and work here and there over Gringo roast chicken and crispy pork belly and house iced tea.

Some more walking around doing what our original excuse was for meeting up - check on furniture. 

Yep... Same old, same old.  

As we move from store to store, I start feeling my legs feeling tired. 

I was having another moment.... Why have I gotten this old that I can't have the same endurance and energy that I used to? 

I used to be able to walk super long walking all over Megamall, scouring the mall for fashion finds and hanging out at coffee shops. Life as a single working woman in her late 20s living in Quezon City. 

In recent months, I've still been trying to get used to the fact that: 

a. I'm living in my own house, no one's cleaning after me I need to fend for myself 

b. Adjusting to a life in the province wherein everything isn't as accessible as it was for a city girl like me 

c. I'm about to get married, aside from my now 7 cats, I need to take care of another person 

d. all of the above plus.. work...plus wedding... 

In hindsight... It was not just today that has got me thinking about my life now.  It was last Friday, when I decided to go on sick leave/work from home because I was feeling quite tired, having a massive migraine, and feeling as if I had a fever bubbling up inside of me. 

It was that weekend that I realized, I AM NOT THE GIRL THAT I USED TO BE. I need to give my body much more rest now that it's older. 

Fast forward to tonight's events.. Josh wanted to have coffee so we proceeded to Seattle's Best. 

And it happened there.. 

Hannah opened the conversation about an e-mail update I sent my close friends end of 2015 entitled Camille's Dating Status. 

Browsing through my penchant musings about being tired of dating... then it hit me.  I felt like I was looking into the life of a stranger. 

Damn... was I interesting back then. And that I want to believe I still am a good writer.  

We ended up discussing about how if I were to create my content for the sake of creating... I'd probably come up with an online novel as I did back in University. 

I've forgotten all about these things because lately... I feel like I've lost all my individuality, quirks, personality and everything that I was and just think of myself as the decisions I have to make for the company. 

I need to get Camille back. Current Camille is no fun. 

I don't want my identity to just be the decisions I have to make... and the decision maker. 

I am Camille, who used to review makeup, used to do nail art, used to write online novels, creative Camille. 

Let's get her back.  Resuscitate creative Camille. 

to my boyfriend

Hi Josh!

Stop stalking me :)